On relationships.....

I hope y'all keeping well. 

I got an email from my sister yesterday that had part of Nelly Gitonye upcoming book on relationships. I found it to be very insightful and I will share it with you.

Here it is.....

Resist the counterfeits.
A few bad habits can sabotage a relationship, yet single women seem to miss this. Some hang out with a "buddy," content with mere friendship, never daring to require him to state his intentions. Others have pre-marital sex and don't understand why their "partner" has no momentum toward marriage. Most spend all their time with the same group, even after they've decided that no one in that group is a possible marriage partner.

These habits are pretty good for preventing weekend loneliness. But the
very things singles do to avoid being alone on Saturday night may keep them
alone for the rest of their lives.
If you want a mate who respects you, you've got to respect yourself. That
means setting high standards for your relationships. Are you the gal guys
come to for advice about other women? Do you spend all of your time with a
guy who's not your boyfriend? Are you an open book with a man who hasn't
asked for a commitment? If you've answered yes to any of these, you may
need better boundaries to protect your time and your heart. This will help
you resist the temptation to spend your prime years and best self on
counterfeits.
On the flip side, approaching the opposite sex in a principled way can only
enhance your relationships. Develop high character: Treat men with
kindness; be honest; don't lie, gossip or manipulate; be trustworthy. Any
guy worth marrying will notice.

Retain sexual power.
It's an old cliché but no less true today than when it was coined: Men
don't buy a cow when they're getting the milk for free. If you're having
sex outside of marriage, you're diminishing your sexual power and your
ability to find a good match. Instead of enhancing your relationship, sex
will dictate it, setting the agenda and biasing all of your decisions.
Unmet sexual longing is a powerful motivator for men and women alike. Many
of our parents, and especially grandparents, had short courtships thanks to
this natural force. Men having their sexual needs met casually have fewer
reasons to sign up for all the responsibilities of marriage.
Sex should flow from a godly relationship. It was designed to sweeten a
life of commitment. When couples partake of it prematurely, it tends to
sicken, much like eating dessert before you've had dinner. Many Christians
who've had premarital sex eventually marry, but this does little to
alleviate their consciences and often results in disaster.

Reassess your options.
A lot of women have good friends who are men. They describe them by saying,
"Oh, we're just friends; we've never thought of dating; we're not
romantic." Too often we overlook men in the "just friends" category because
we're not "attracted" to them. (My roommates and I were guilty of this.)
Instead of asking who you're attracted to, start asking, Of my friends, who
would be a godly husband, strong partner and good father? Looking at men
this way, you might be surprised who you're attracted to!
Parents used to choose their daughters' husbands for them. You can be sure
the last quality they considered was physical appearance. They knew
externals played a minor role — if any — in creating a healthy family.
I'm not suggesting a return to those days — they had problems of their own
— but we can borrow a principle from them: If a woman is paired with an
upstanding man, love will have a chance to grow. We should look for men of
outstanding integrity and pray for God to make the soil fertile for love to
grow.

Check your expectations.
The statistics has detailed a trend among single men who date for
recreation with one eye open for someone else. They have sex with their
girlfriends but admit they'll never marry these girls because they're not
"soul mates."
Most people want a mate who knows them at their deepest points and loves
them fully. But the problem with the soul mate expectation is that you risk
setting yourself up for failure. When asked to describe their soul mate,
many singles imagine a person who "completes them" and vice versa. They
assume their soul mate will love them exactly as they are and never ask
them to change. But what happens when those two soul mates encounter the
turbulence of marriage? These expectations cause them to doubt that they've
found their "soul mate" after all.
Human relationships will always be flawed because we're fallen creatures.
To expect otherwise is a setup for divorce.
Despite fantasies of marriage as an endless date, a lifelong partnership is
actually about thriving in the day-to-day stuff of life: raising kids,
paying the bills, cleaning the house, etc. A lasting marriage requires
commitment, no matter what. You have to go into it expecting highs and
lows. A good marriage can make the lows a lot more bearable, though.

Ask the people you know for help.
Until recently, marriage enjoyed culture-wide support. It was, for most
people, a primary purpose of life. Friends and relatives were willing
partners in helping singles meet the eligible bachelors in their lives.
That's why it was beneficial to know people of different ages. If we only
spend time with peers in the same season of life, the competition for
available men will likely be fierce. But if our friends span the
generations, it's probable they will know or be related to eligible men.
And if these friends are believers in marriage — and they know you have
marriage as a goal — they can be helpful allies.
Changing your way of relating to men may seem unnatural at first — and for
some, not worth the effort. But if your goal is marriage, it makes sense to
do what's in your power to achieve it. Don't misunderstand: You can't force
it. There's no formula for making two people fall in love and commit their
lives to one another. Besides, for singles who've committed their life to
Christ, the timing is ultimately up to Him. But you still have a part to
play. And if you're doing things that lead you away from the altar, why not
purposefully change direction?

I hope the whole book will be out soon.

The weekend is almost here, do enjoy it!!